To be cringe is to be free: a thinkpiece on performing cyncism

Is there any greater flaw in humans than self-consciousness? Is there a more powerful facet of our inhibitions that controls our actions than the fear of being misperceived? Even as children, the need for authenticity paired with the fear of being mocked or excluded has defined tension within our schooldays. Even before the widespread use of social media, adolescence was a period of terrible self-consciousness. Being seen as authentic and even caring about anything was embarrassing. Liking the wrong things, not favoring the right things, maybe even caring about the right things, but somehow doing it wrong, was a hazard to your social standings. People’s perception of each other was always fickle, and there always existed a risk for isolation, for rejection. This insecurity runs through us inherently, and though the Internet did not invent it, it has certainly exacerbated the apprehension for sincerity.

It’s not a surprise that we have begun to behave this way. America itself is built on a prideful and individualistic culture. It hurts us to fail, and we will do anything to prevent ourselves from damaging our egos. The problem with our vulnerability is that we are unwilling to take a hit to our pride, and with each generation, we would prefer to restrict our ability to connect with other people than face our own feelings. 

The surveillance culture that social media has brought to our everyday lives has brought about this hesitation for trying among the younger generations. I see it in myself, in the way I try to portray myself online and in the way I wish to be perceived by strangers. We have been conditioned to keep our efforts private and remain apathetic to the public. It all boils down to the phenomenon that is now known as “cringe culture”. It has become truly unsettling to see how the fear of being labeled “cringe” has held so many people back. We have become self-conscious of trying, and we don’t want to be perceived as trying and striving intentionally for our dreams. 

This is extremely telling for those who are in pursuit of the arts, people who want to become poets and creatives. One reason is due to the obvious mental fuckery it is to become an artist of any medium, that your work may not be up to par with your standards, imposter syndrome in a world of already immensely successful authors and composers, and the possibility that no one will enjoy what you produce. Ultimately, there is an underlying fear of failure, true to any endeavour that you step outside your comfort zone for. But the other reason is simply that it is not seen as a successful career path, at least not as successful and fruitful as someone working in science or technology. The pursuit of the arts has always been deemed as something people should enjoy as a hobby or a pastime. Those who study the humanities or social sciences are always reminded that there isn’t as much money to be made in those fields as if the sole purpose of our lives is to be financially abundant. But, I digress.

As humans, we are scared of judgment. And it is okay to be scared of judgment, but when it starts to rule our lives and control our decisions, that’s when this fear becomes dangerous. It hinders our experience as humans to be human. And as people, we struggle to live in discomfort. We have a difficult time accepting that sometimes, we will feel uneasiness. So, when we feel judgment, when we want to combat this fear, we often resort to cynicism. We begin to perform cynicism because cynicism can be misread, and it often is, as intelligence. You never want to come off as “too affected”. You want to give off an aura of coolness, that you have seen it all. Our obsession with humiliation, or rather avoiding humiliation, is harming us. 

I have seen this cynicism when people talk about dating. If you have feelings for someone, you always want to be perceived as nonchalant. Don’t chase the other person because showing actual interest in someone can be a turn-off, or it can be seen as trying too hard. It’s all utter bullshit. We downplay our excitement so we don’t look cringe. We pretend we’re not hurt so we don’t come off as dramatic, and we try to act indifferent to things that we actually care about. And for what purpose? Just to appear unbothered to the public eye? To protect ourselves? From what? Criticism? The performance of cynicism and the omnipresence of cringe culture are only making us more miserable and more disconnected from those around us. There is nothing admirable about pretending that you don’t care about things that you are passionate about. We are extinguishing our ambitions and hindering relationship forming all for the sake of our egos. You have to ask yourself: Is it worth it?

At the end of the day, we are still human. And at the end of the day, we are deeply hungry for sincere, earnest effort. Not all of us are poets or philosophers, but all of us are incredibly complex people who yearn for connection and community. This chase for nonchalance is more harmful to us than the satisfaction of being perceived the way you want to by the public. By putting up this front of cynicism, we are actively reinforcing the stigma of not opening up to new people and becoming solitary ourselves. And in this process, we are often denying our own feelings in the process. Put your pride aside and allow yourself to be vulnerable. 

I’m not sure who said it first, but they definitely said it the best. In essence, to be cringe is to be free.