Love it if we made it

I tend to pride myself in my pursuit of knowledge, realizing that there is always more for me to learn, better media for me to consumer, acknowledging the gaps in my intelligence and how far I am from being content with my understanding of the world. Though I have been out of traditional education for a couple of years now, I try to maintain a student mindset, holding learning in high priority because there is an insurmountable amount of expertise that I have yet to grasp. But lately, there has been a growing feeling gnawing at the base of my spine, a desire of some sort to yield my efforts for intelligence into ignorance, to not think about any other matters of the world except the people and places that keep me in company in my little bubble. 

And maybe I’m saying this all wrong. I don’t want to be ignorant, unaware, and uneducated about the horrific ongoings right outside my front door. In fact, quite the opposite. I guess what I envy are those people who are complacent in their everyday lives, their ability to scroll on social media and click “Not Interested” on news about genocide and ICE raids and the active eradication of human rights for women and members of the LGBTQ+ community. I do not understand how some people do not feel guilty worrying about the song of the summer or the next fashion trend when war crimes are being committed on innocent civilians in Gaza at almost every moment. Their choice of ignorance without feeling culpable astounds me, and it is this deep-rooted benightedness that I can’t help but covet and condescend. 

This fear and guilt have compounded in me ever since November 5th, and it will continue to multiply because there is no easy solution to appease all of the damage being done on and to this planet right now. And as someone who is privileged enough to live a comfortable life in a blue state, there is not much that I can do personally to help on a greater scale, other than activism in my own community and continuously promoting social awareness. And it is difficult to an extent because there is only a certain amount of Instagram stories and news articles people can repost before it becomes redundant. Speaking from my own social media presence, I only follow friends, and I can quite confidently say all of whom share the same morals and values as me, all of whom are actively keeping up with the rampant stream of current events. They do not need the constant reminder of infographics because they are already aware of what is happening, already informing themselves (I hope) of the devastations occurring across this nation and across the world.

And all of this is not to say that we should stop going about our daily lives, that we should stop spending time with loved ones and enjoying our summer days out in the sun, but it is hard to feel completely at peace when so much is out of your hands. I can not help but feel an overwhelming amount of guilt as I sit at my desk in my air-conditioned room, worrying about finding a new job or that I’m trying to kick my caffeine habit. How can I complain about these luxuries, still trying to climb the corporate, capitalist ladder, that these are the only struggles I have to survive the scope of the life that I am living? I am so angry at myself for feeling like I am underappreciating the entitlement I have, but also for beating myself up over circumstances out of my control. I am angry at the state of our country. I harbor an inexplicable rage for our president and his boneheadedness, furious at those who voted him into office, even more enraged now that some of them have regretted their decisions. There is no end, no limit to my indignation, and I can’t do a damn thing about it. 

My friend, who has recently shared the same sentiment as I, said something that has really stuck with me since. We need to rethink the ways in which we ground ourselves and try to remember that resistance is self-care and complacency isn’t. How we handle ourselves during this time is a nuanced conversation-- there is no right or wrong way. My only reservation about this statement is that behaving as if everything is perfectly fine is the absolute wrong way of thinking. But I digress. Social media used to be a place for us to distract ourselves, to escape reality, but it has now become inundated with visuals of war crimes and the stripping of our rights and hatred and bigotry. For some people, this may not be ideal, depending on how you process the media you consume.  For many people, social media is not a safe space anymore. We have to find other outlets to dull the noise, whether that be reading or a form of content that is something of your choosing, such as YouTube or a podcast. There is no harm in trying to tune out the cacophony of horror that is our world right now, as long as we do not become complacent and return to the present. 

It is a seemingly hopeless time in history. It feels like modernity has failed us, and what a dream it is to fantasize about years down the line, where hopefully everything is okay, and we would look back at our fear now with the assurance that everything would work itself out. But to get there, we have to remain vigilant. We have to continue educating ourselves, be a conscious member of social activism, and fight for what is right.