When The Things You Want Don't Want You Back

I had a dream where I had one wish

And I wished that

You were mean and cruel

That you called me unspeakable names

That you cheated

And you told me you never loved me.

I wished that you were a terrible person

That you were mean to my friends

And laughed when I cried.

I wish that I was mad at you,

That I could turn this grief into anger

Because I can hold anger.

I can smash anger against the wall and

Scream it out of my lungs.

I can feel anger in my hands and

Squeeze until I feel it drip out my fingers.

I can run for days, fueled only by anger.

But with sadness, it escapes me.

Sadness is a bus driving away as soon as you make it to the stop.

I can feel sadness drifting from my fingertips

Like a breeze on a hot summer day.

It’s the echoes of a distance laugh that I’m too familiar with

Yet the closer I get, the quieter it sounds.

I wish that you wanted to be with me enough to at least want to try.