No One Ever Said Entering Your 20s Was Gonna Be Easy

Life always feels like it’s moving too fast and not moving fast enough at the same time. Recently, life has been speeding forward, full throttle. For the past couple of weeks, all I’ve wanted to do is to scream at whoever’s driving to take their foot off the goddamn gas pedal. But, we all know that’s not really how it works. Life doesn’t give a shit about us. It’s been moving at its own pace since time began, and it’s not gonna slow down just because a college student doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life.

I realized the reason why life suddenly feels like it’s leaving me behind in the dust is that many things are changing. as a junior in college, I feel like I’m in a transitional period in my education and career. With graduation looming on the horizon, it seems like the opportunities for me are endless. I could go to grad school, I could search for a full-time job, I could move abroad — the world is my oyster. Unrealistically, my dream would be to leave everything behind and move to a foreign country and start a new life there, working as a local in a cafe or a bookshop. Ok, yes, that idea is possible, but it’s not plausible.

There were several domino events that occurred in the past month that pushed me to think about my future. Exhibit A: a conversation with my upstairs neighbor/friend about his plans for post-grad. At first, it was just a nonchalant inquiry about what he wanted to do after he graduated college. but as he continued to discuss his plans and ideal job roles, I quickly realized that I had no clue what I really wanted to do with my life. Not an inkling. My biggest fear is to be stuck at a 9–5 desk job, hating what I’m doing, and only doing it to have a stable income.

Exhibit B: I rewatched the TV series “The Bold Type” in less than one week. It was five seasons of feel-good yet empowering drama, driven by women in power fighting for equality and change in a corrupt, capitalist world. While

I was watching this, it’s like something clicked inside me.

My Eureka moment: I want to create change. I want to speak up for the shit I believe in and fight for people that don’t have a voice in the world we live in today. I want to leave a lasting impact wherever I go. But all of this is easier said than done. All of this is my endgame — it’s what I eventually want to achieve, but I still have to figure out how to get there. Funnily enough, the answer was right in front of me the whole time: content creation.

If you couldn’t tell already, I love writing. I love pouring my soul out onto a piece of paper and leaving the remnants of my word-vomit on the keyboard. So, why not combine the two? I could use the platforms I have and use them to not only voice my opinions but also to give space to other people who have more important things to say. My words aren’t gonna be perfect and they’re not always gonna be right, but it’s all a part of the learning curve. Having this breakthrough was a punch in the face in the best way possible. I finally had the motivation to get off my ass and do something that I’m gonna be proud of.

I’m still on the journey of finding my voice and learning how to use it effectively. Discovering this passion and finally leaning into it has been incredibly motivating. And, yes, I probably won’t be able to make six-figures from something like this, but that really isn’t my intention. Maybe it won’t be my full-time occupation after I graduate but rather just a side hobby that makes me happy. Maybe I can find a way to incorporate it into my future roles. Maybe it will be a driving financial factor in my life ten years down the road. Who knows?

I know this doesn’t mean the future is suddenly crystal clear. The lines are still blurry, but I now have the first two pieces of the puzzle. Coming to this realization was like someone pointing me in the general direction of where I should be going — where I want to be going. I don’t feel as aimless as I did a week ago, and I consider that a big win. Sure, maybe for some people, being 20 is a little late to finally understand what you enjoy doing, but I believe it’s never too late to get started. It’s never too late to learn and grow. It’s never too late to start a movement.

- Originally published May 9, 2022