My Toast Is Slightly Burnt and That's The Way I Like It

12:56 PM

When you're in the midst of your darkest moments, chained to your bed by nothing but the weight of the world, you can't help but be angry that life does not stop for you. You can't help but be plagued by

the guilt of not doing enough,

the guilt of letting yourself rot instead of contributing something good to others,

the guilt of not being strong enough,

not resilient enough,

not existing enough.

You are filled to the brim with resentment, sadness, grief, and every negative emotion in the psyche of the human experience, and simply breathing is bearing down on you as if you are Atlas. And yet, Life will not wait for you.

Some people need tough love to kick them back into gear. Others need compassion and empathy to coax them through the healing process. Some need a mix of both. But, at the end of the day, there is only so much self-help podcasts and PTO sick days can do for you. Replaying past memories on repeat in your mind until it feels as if they are all you have left will not be your light at the end of the tunnel.

They are only a supercut of what the reality was.

There comes a point where you are your only saving grace, and the hand that pulls you out of the pit of despair is your own. Moving on doesn't mean you forget things. It doesn't mean you will never feel grief or remorse for those triggers again. It just means you have to accept what happened and continue living. Keep that sadness close to your heart and protect it. Don't force it down or try to suppress it because that's the part of you that will continue to allow you to love deeply and without regrets.

Life will not wait for you.

But, Life has not forgotten you.

Even when you feel as if the years are passing by at inexplicable speeds and that nothing seemed to change but suddenly everything was different, life has not forgotten you. How can you say that life has forgotten you when you are representative of how passionately someone can love? The love you gave was never a waste. Do not let the things that have hurt you turn you into something you are not.

How lucky we are to experience the sun on our bare faces as we walk out the front door every morning. How lucky we are to walk by complete strangers but still understand how complex and unique each individual is.

How lucky we are to dance in our bedrooms and see the leaves change color and watch the raindrops race across the car window.

When it feels like life has forgotten you, remember that sometimes to fill your cup, you need to empty of what has become stale and expired. Many times, it's hard to understand why things happen the way they do. You can't help but ask the world, "Why me?", and it's a constant bore to hear that everything happens for a reason. But just because things could've been different, it doesn't mean they would have been better. You roll your eyes at the romanticization of mundane things, but that is the way to live. When you start finding the beauty in your morning cup of coffee,

or the sound of the birds outside your kitchen window,

or the way your book fits perfectly in the palms of your hands,

you start to realize that Life has not forgotten you.

It will not always be easy, but it will not always be this difficult. There is love and beauty everywhere you look, but only if you choose to find it. I fall asleep to the sound of my friends laughing and realize that life has not forgotten me. I find intimacy in being understood and realize that life has not forgotten me. I listen to music I love and sniff the candles at the store and butter my slightly burnt toast and realize that

Life has not forgotten me.