I Chip My Teeth At the Bottom of the Swimming Pool

I despise my inability to feel things slightly.

My emotions come and go in absolutes,

Like a door swinging open off its hinges when I only want it open ajar.

My feelings are a swimming pool,

And instead of dipping a toe into the shallow end,

I dive headfirst into the deep end, full immersion within seconds.

And then I dare to be shocked by the sudden cold,

Bitter at the way the water stings as it rushes up my nose.  

I can’t help but give away a little piece of myself to everyone I meet,

Like I am Jesus multiplying fish and bread

Until it’s too late and I realize that I am not the Messiah,

And my body is not infinite,

And I become a hollow vessel of myself.

Yet, I still find myself going the extra mile,

Stripping away parts of myself for someone who didn’t even ask for anything in the first place,

For someone who didn’t even want me in the first place,

And my screams echo around the empty shell of my being:

How far will I go?

How far will I go?

How far will I go?