I Am Losing My Voice As I Am Finding It

I think the reason I’ve only been able to write about you is because

I’ve been hoping you’ve been reading me

And seeing me,

And hoping that my hurt is hurting you.

But I should know better because you never really read the things I wrote,

Not unless I had shoved it in your face

Like I was begging on my knees for you to hear me,

To see me,

To understand me.

Every line I've written has been a scream in your direction

Imploring you to hear me,

To see me now.

See me now.

But I am starting to lose my voice.

My throat is hoarse

From an unreciprocated conversation,

So I have decided not to let you take another part away from me.

I will quiet myself now,

Feel the pain and grief within me without so much of a whisper in your direction,

And find a new muse that is not inspired by the way you held me close at night.

What you have made me feel is now only a conversation between my heart and the ravaging thoughts in my head

Because you do not get to know me anymore.

You do not get to hear me

Or see me

Or love me

Anymore.

Not anymore.