How Do I Say This?

There are some things I wish I could explain

Like why I believe in the stars

And not God

Or why I fall in love too fast

Or not fast enough.

I wish I could tell you why I

Yearn for heartbreak

But fear it at the same time.

And I wish I could tell you why

I am more comforted by the confines of four walls than I am by

The presence of people I love.

I hear the conversations that are turning into inside-jokes

And laughter that is mostly the sweet release of a long day

And all that really separates me

Is a wall.

Yet I still can't seem to bring myself to crawl out of bed

And enter existence

Because the weight of my blanket

And the weight of my being

Is enough to hold me in place

While I blame myself for letting life pass me by.

Sometimes I wonder if I am too good at being alone.