An Unnecessary Dive Into the Phenomenon of the "Chill Girl"

To me, New Year's resolutions are unsustainable and a waste of time. It seems like at the turn of every new year, we have the desire to transform ourselves into a whole new person and become the "best version of ourselves". It's as if going to the gym twice and eating celery would suddenly mutate us into a person of a higher order. Maybe it's just the term "resolution", maybe it's semantics, or maybe I'm just a hater. I never believed in the idea of a resolution. Frankly, I thought it was all bullshit. Well, until this year. This year, I thought I wanted to come up with a new year's resolution. At the beginning of 2023, I told myself that I wanted to be a "chill girl".

Okay, so, what the hell does that mean? According to Urban Dictionary, a chill girl is someone, and I quote, who is a "non-bitch". It's a girl who's low maintenance, someone who is calm, cool, and collected. Everything seemingly rolls off their back. The chill girl -- to be cold and cut off. To not care about things. I wanted so badly to be her. Why, though? I can't lie, I was extremely drawn into the idea of being someone who let all the bad things roll off my back. I wanted to be someone who didn't care too deeply about things and someone who was able to roll with the punches. I wanted to give off an aura of apathy in the most positive manner. In other words, I wanted to be what I dubbed as cool.

Being the chill girl, I felt as if I would hold some sort of power. I thought having armor around my emotions and my most vulnerable spots would make me more appealing to the public eye. I was so obsessed with the way others perceived me. I wanted to be an effortless, unattainable, mystical being. I felt that if I were able to embody this type of person, it would make my life easier. I would get along with others easier, and I would have less inner turmoil. I would be less worried, and less anxious about the smaller things in life. But, I didn't really understand why. Why would being this person make me happy? Why would it provide me with some form of intangible protection? Why did I think having this disinterest in my own emotions, let alone others, give me power?

There is something inherently feminine about showing emotion. Men have been taught that expressing emotion is exposing their fragility, baring the underside of their belly to the enemy. Women are weak. Women show emotion. Thus, emotions are weak. The mystical appeal of the chill girl is their aloof façade, the way they handle themselves with an air of indifference. Nothing upsets them because they're cool. They're not like other girls because they don't get mad or sad or anxious or agitated. The chill girl is powerful because, for them, their seeming lack of emotions doesn't negate their femininity. They precede the traditional image of what it means to be a woman.

I think at some point in our lives, we have all wished we could shut off our emotions. We all have wanted to be immune to pain and heartbreak, that we would be better off feeling nothing at all. I also believe that we have all realized that, in the words of The Vampire Diaries, turning off our humanity wouldn't make us stronger. We've had to understand that all of the emotional highs we go through only exist because of the emotional lows we have processed. Without the contrast of the positives and negatives, there is nothing. Desiring the nuanced persona of the chill girl was just me wanting the power and the strength that this identity seemingly displays. But, it doesn't mean that what we see is what's real. Being vulnerable doesn't make me weak. It's the vulnerability and the pain I get from being susceptible to hurt that helps me grow. As much as I despised the periods after a breakup and the pain that I went through emotionally and mentally, the lessons I learned during that time could only be taught through that channel. You can hear about it and sympathize with others who also endure it, but only when you personally experience that hurt will you truly understand and grow as a person.

If it isn't obvious by now, I'm an avid believer in growing through what you go through. In order to do that, you have to care. The persona of the chill girl is alluring. It's tempting to allow everything to slide off your back and not have a care in the world. But it's not sustainable to be indifferent to everything. Being human is all about having an opinion, feeling something so strong that it suffocates you. That's what's cool. Caring is cool. The fucks you give are never a waste. Don't cut yourself off from who you truly are in an aimless pursuit of an unattainable new identity. Give more fucks.